Everything About You
by ASoldiersLamb
Summary: Somethings always change no matter how hard I try to hold them together. My life is just always going to be full of problems. Nessie, Leah, Seth going to College... I'd swear to you that I was dreaming if it weren't for the pain. JxL Jake's POV
1. And so on

Like most days in our little slice of Washington, it was rainy. It was grey and hazy. Today, however, was only made worse by the miserably similar attitudes Seth and I shared. For some reason, he and I were both sure that something bad was going to happen between Leah and Ryan. That alone only made me feel worse. If Seth and I were thinking this without each other's input, it seemed all the more likely to be true.

Seth had been around Ryan enough to see that Ryan and Leah were a terrible match and made it a point to gripe on constantly about it to me any chance he got. With Sue Clearwater compelled to see past that fact for her daughter, and Charlie keeping the peace at least until after he and Sue's wedding, no one else would listen to Seth. It drove me nuts for so long. I hated everything about Leah and she me. As for Ryan, well, you had to wonder where he escaped from. Willing to date the bitter angst-filled Leah? He had to have lost his mind. I had noticed that Leah was even more black-hearted now that she was with Ryan though and that was probably what worried Seth the most.

what had brought us to sitting in the woods outside Seth's house was Seth's need to see his sister when she came back from talking to Ryan. I could have been with my Nessie already, but I knew Seth would never really let me go. In a way, I almost had a morbid satisfaction for the major fuck up Leah had made of herself. Pregnant? It wasn't like Leah to do something like that without a commitment or something like that. But there we were, bored and, in Seth's case, worried as we waited for Leah to come home.

When she came into our sight, she was running full speed, full speed for human form, her long black coat and equally long dark hair wafting behind her. Her eyes were hard, but she looked furious and determined. Seth took off after Leah as she passed, calling her name. She didn't even look back at him, never a break in her stride. Seth looked back at me, pleading in his eyes.

"Stop her!" He demanded, "You're the fastest!" I took a deep breath and darted off after Leah. Even in human form, she was fast. as a girl, she was automatically more capable of running with agility, but my human form was still faster. All I had to do was catch up with her and grab her arm or something. Just stop her so she could talk to her brother.

It really confused me when I realized she was heading for the cliffs. The cliffs weren't her normal spot to brood, but then the kid might be screwing with her a bit. As we got to the cliffs, I slowed, assuming she'd do the same. You know what they say about pregnant women though. She ran on, full speed and all. The wind was strong and wild up on the cliffs as I pushed faster, realizing her intention. I caught her arm only a few steps from her eminent doom. She struggled, demanding I let go, but I held fast.

"don't do this, Leah. It isn't worth it." I told her, hoping I could come off Alpha in human form. Apparently I couldn't. She glared up at me, never ceasing her struggle to keep running.

"What does it matter to you if I died now? I don't think anyone would care. I think you'd rather enjoy it, actually." There was no crying, only a furious resentment in her voice. I didn't think there was a time when she wasn't glaring daggers at me.

"I never said I was saving you to keep you around, Leah. It really wouldn't matter to me what you chose to do at this point. I'd be happy if you shut the hell up every once and a while. I'm doing this for the cub." Shit! I already had a pet name for it? This was bad. But, she was my Beta, and if she was going to have this kid, it was going to be a part of the pack, regardless. She froze for a moment, then continued her violent struggle.

"It's not your responsibility, Jacob. Drop it." She spat my name with a voice full of venom.

"I don't care what you do, Leah, but this cub didn't turn against everyone who loved it, this cub didn't sleep with Ryan for the momentary relief from it's own personal hell, this cub isn't trying to throw itself off the cliff!" I yelled the last part, thoroughly furious with Leah's blatant attempt to give up. if she was my Beta, she had to be stronger.

She stopped hr struggle and let out a scream of anguish. She threw her shoulder at me, all of her force behind it, in an attempt to let out her fury. I caught her from behind by her upper arms and pinned them to her sides. Her movement now restricted, she fell to her knees and cried. I kept a hold on her shoulders for fear that she might try to attack again.

She was on her knees, back curled inward, sobbing uncontrollably for a couple of minutes until Seth raced up. He took in the scene on the cliff and walked over to wrap an arm around his sister. He pulled her to her feet and turned back to me. grabbing my shoulder, he thanked me and began to lead Leah home. I stayed on the cliff, watching the black water churn hungrily, angry that I'd taken it's victim away. It seemed angry that Leah had got away. I sat down at the edge, my feet hanging, tempting the already agitated water far below. at first all I could think was, 'The ocean hates me. It's like a beautiful flower with a poison that could kill anything it wanted for food.' The cliffs were the soft petals of it's facade, luring in any distraught person, and the waters were the venom, ready to consume and destroy. I had stolen it's prey twice already.

Then I realized, my hatred for this ocean, it's methods, and it's natural capability to use them, felt too much like resenting Nessie. Nessie was my venomous flower and I was sure that in some way or another, she'd be the death or me. Her, or her watery twin.


	2. Honey Gold

Nine months moved quickly, almost to quickly it seemed. I spent a lot of time with my fast growing Nessie, and very little thought was spared to Leah. I noticed that the only times my mind was ever on Leah, it was because that's what Seth's mind was on. It gave me a nonchalant excuse to be sure that my Beta was surviving, and I privately hoped that the boy would humble her a bit. 

Seth was antsy and jittery as the due date for earlier named Forrest Woodcroft drew ever nearer. 

"Leah said she had no problems naming him Forrest Clearwater, but Charlie was having none of that." Seth was deep in conversation with Bella and Carlisle while we sat in the living room. I was the guinea Pig for Nessie's art experiment, but only half noticing what it was she was drawing. She had her left hand pressed against my cheek and a pencil in the other, attempting to draw my psyche out for me. She could tell that something was troubling me, and it was. I listened to Seth's stories about what had happened at home for so long, seeing that I had wanted nothing to do with Leah while her emotions were on the fritz. 

"Charlie told Leah a couple of months ago that, knowing the law and ethics, he was going to see to it that either Ryan Woodcroft was a part of Forrest's life, or he paid for his absence. Boy, it caught me by surprise, but Ryan is apparently the son of a really wealthy European business man. Forrest could be raised in total comfort and still have a fund aside for college two decades from now! Can you believe that?" Seth was still going on, apparently happy that his nephew wouldn't have a hard life as most single parent children do. 

Internally, I was a bit pleased to hear that as well. I may not have liked Leah in the slightest, but she was only nineteen. She didn't deserve to be taken advantage of and then left the way Ryan had left her. Seth was still set on edge at the mention of the name Ryan. I guess it didn't really matter who was younger and who was older with brothers and sisters. If you were a brother, you didn't let anyone hurt your sister if you could help it. this was Seth lately. He and Leah drove each other nuts, but they still loved each other.

Nessie removed her hand and tugged at my jacket sleeve. I looked down to see an amazing collaboration of symbolic memorabilia from my mind, and several faces twisted in. I could clearly make out Harry Clearwater among an arrangement of morbidly bleeding hearts, Seth's among what looked like a psychedelic forest that cast deep black shadows that looked almost human and yet not, surrounding Bella's face. Hers molded almost perfectly from human in some parts to Vampire in others. All of these exploded from what looked like a crumbling stone box with the front crumbled away. Inside was the only full bodied apparition. Leah Clearwater sat on her knees in the middle of the crumbling stone room, an angelic little boy with wavy curly hair and large eyes. She sat without expression on her face, but her eyes appeared to be screaming for a way out. 

I dragged myself away from the large notepad when I saw the hands of a young woman holding the box that held Leah and the boy. The face that watched with interest from around behind the main image was my mother's clear as day. Every feature was there in clear detail. Nahuel applauded in slight amusement of her skill and Seth looked at me with an odd expression. I looked back at him, regaining my composure.

"I didn't think you could fit a psyche like mine onto a sheet of paper but she did an eerily accurate job." I told him, indicating that he go look. I wasn't sure if he would see the same things I did. Of course he'd know his dad, and himself. Bella too if he looked hard enough, but the figure of Leah had been so small, I had just assumed it was Leah for some odd reason, and I knew he wouldn't have recognized my mother. I didn't think he'd been born before she died. Even if he was, he'd have been to young to remember. 

After a moment's scrutiny, he looked back at me. 

"I wonder why Leah's trapped in a box, Jake. Is that how you see her? Trapped?" I was stunned momentarily. So it must have been Leah, no doubt. Trapped? I hadn't thought about what was linked to every person, but now it made sense. Harry with the bleeding hearts, like the cause of his death. Seth with the wigged out trees, his childish perspective of the world. Bella surrounded by the figures that appear to be Seth's trees but look much more menacing in reality, the vampires. Of course Leah was trapped. The little boy didn't fit because I had no idea in my head of what he would look like that old, and the wall was crumbling. Did that mean I was expecting her to free herself soon? suddenly I realized that Seth's limbs were shaking with small tremors that he struggled to hold back. I walked up and grabbed his shoulder.

"What is it, Seth?" I asked. Seth didn't look at me or speak for several moments. I thought he wasn't going to answer, but then he murmured, "Dad." and I understood his distress. 

Before he could feel any more broken, his phone rang. He dug it out of his pocket quickly and looked at the number. 

"Charlie." he said before answering. "Hey Charlie. Everything alright?" he was silent for a few moments, but everyone, including myself could hear Charlie.

_"Seth, I think you need to come down to the hospital. Forrest isn't waiting for his arrival date."_ Seth's smile was growing by the second as he told Charlie he was on his way and hung up. He looked at me, his smile just making the room itself feel happy.

"You comin'?" He asked. Edward and his brothers came through the door then, unacknowledged by Seth and I. 

"Yeah, Seth. Leah and I hate each other with a passion, so I'd love to come see her while her bitter hatred is edged with medicinal drugs." I answered sarcastically. 

"Sheesh. All I did was offer. Sorry to offend. I figured you might care a little since she's your beta and all..." Seth trailed off, scratching his ear vigorously. As we made to leave, Edward leaned closer to me.

"I wonder... would things be different if that passion were redirected from hatred?" He and his brother, Emmett, I think it was, both chuckled as we continued to leave. I swore I wasn't going to brood on that comment, but with Seth gone to see Leah all night, I was left with nothing to do but brood. 

I stared into the dark churning water, dropping the petals from some wild flowers I'd found on my way up, down into it's merciless depths. All the while I thought about the psyche sketch Nessie had drawn earlier. I thought about each person individually, lingering a bit longer on Leah. I thought about my mother. I thought about imprinting and how it worked. It seemed that the older Nessie got, the more strange and repelling she became to me. I assumed it was all her time around Nahuel for a while, but she was definitely changing vastly while I felt very much the same. 

For the first time since she died, I just felt like I wanted a mom to listen to my life and tell me what the best thing was to do. I just wanted someone there to tell me what choices to make. I was tired of doing everything alone, angry at my mother for leaving, and all around angry at the twisted outcome of a life I'd gotten.

I had phased in an instant, all to aware of how to, and bounded as fast as I could into the rain drenched forest. I thought about the forest, my home. My mind trailed off to Forrest Woodcroft, and I began to realize... This would be a cub you couldn't keep the secret from, and he was coming into this world without a father to teach him.

I ran faster and faster, not caring where I ran to. Only glad for the chance to run without limits or control again. Free again. I saw the sketched image of the small boy in my mind's eye, sure that Nessie had added a few ideas of her own. I wondered what it would be like to teach Forrest. I ran. 


	3. So Human

when I finally slowed to a halt, I was none to surprised to find that my feet had carried me to Leah's new house. It was a fairly normal house within walking distance of most of the pack. I knew that there was good reason for that. Leah may have been young for a mother, but that didn't mean that she was clueless about the dangers of the world and what Forrest may face in Quilette.

I lay myself down on the steps of the front walk, still in wolf form, and fell asleep. I was determined to be there when the kid came home, because he was going to be part of my pack, and I was going to be sure of his safety. That, and I had to admit, I was curious as to what he'd be like, seeing that Leah was not supposed to be genetically able to have kids.

It was around four in the morning when I awoke, feeling better rested, but still pretty confused. I still saw Nessie's picture each time I closed my eyes. That's when it dawned on me.

_shit!_ I cursed in my head, remembering that I had once again ruined a perfectly good set of clothes through random phasing.

_shit what? _I heard Seth ask in my head. There was a tired lack of amusement in his thoughts, almost as though he'd been through hell and back.

_Nothing really. how did it go at the hospital?_

_There was a birth and a death. Not the happiest time for any of us._ I froze in my tracks, half way home.

_who's dead, Seth?_

_Aiden_

_Who the hell is Aiden? _

_My _nephew_. The one we thought was some sort of image distortion before. _I walked out of my house, fully clothed to face a pale, tear streaked Seth at the end of the drive.

"Talk to me Seth. What's going on?" I asked, steadying Seth. He looked like he might pass out if he tried to form real words in his mouth.

"I told you about the sonograms that showed some odd thing next to Forrest, but that it was too small to be a second kid. We pretty much figured that it was image distortion in the equipment because of Leah being a shape-shifter. Well, turns out, it was a twin. he was way underdeveloped and hanging on for dear life." Seth ground at his eyes with the bases of his hands, liberating them of his tears. "Then they decided that Leah had to name the kid before he died, which is like the most heartless thing you could ever do. Leah was crying, and I hardly ever see my sister cry. She just kind of whispered Aiden and the kid died like seven minutes later." I squeezed Seth's shoulder, completely lost for words.

Leah looked really good for having just had a kid, but she still looked tired and, obviously, heart broken. we all stood around her gaping living room, no one really saying anything. I was standing next to Seth, who was perched on top of Leah's barstool counter across the room from Leah and his mother who were both on the sofa. Leah was in jeans and a loose T-shirt, sitting cross-legged on the sofa. she cradled a sleeping Forrest in her arms, long black hair falling all around the child. Sue sat next to Leah, rubbing her back and trying to make her feel better. I knew, though, that it was more an attempt to make herself feel better than her daughter. Leah was taking the loss of her other son really well, but I knew Leah was strong, after all, she was my Beta. Charlie sat in the armchair silently, still feeling awkward around Leah and Seth. I wasn't sure how long it would take to get Charlie comfortable around Sue's kids, but it was kind of funny to watch him shift awkwardly.

"Go look at him, Jake. I guarantee you that he'll make you smile." I looked at Seth incredulously, wondering whether to laugh or not. He gave me a crooked smile.

"Really. He's something special and you'll know it when you look at him." I looked over at Leah and her son, and for once, Leah looked almost vulnerable. I walked around to the other side of the sofa and looked over Leah's shoulder at the boy. she moved her hair away, allowing me to see him. That was already something I didn't expect.

Seth was right though. Forrest had a full head of light honey gold curls and alabaster skin. That confused me.

"Why is he?'

"Blond?" Leah finished. Her voice sounded soft and strained, "Ryan was European. He had blond hair, pale skin, and gold eyes. I guess Forrest does now too." She almost sounded bitter as she spoke about Ryan, and I heard a small growl escape Seth's throat.

"Oh clam down about it Seth." Leah sighed to her brother. Forrest yawned and arched his back in Leah's arms as he woke up. He opened his eyes and blinked blearily around him, eyes like maple syrup. His eyes met mine and he scrunched his nose in distaste. I laughed. I had to. It was actually adorable and so human. It almost amazed me how little of true humanity I got around to seeing these days. Leah laughed a little, glancing up at me and then back down at Forrest.

I had been right before. She truly looked tired and broken, even for the smile on her face. Her eyes held a slight glimmer of life in them, especially when she looked at that little boy. Seth had been very right. Forrest was special. Even if he came as the son of a father that didn't want him, he had come to save Leah from her own demise and that was enough.

When he locked eyes with Leah, his face lit up immensely and he smiled wide, even giggled I think. hell, the room itself lit up when that child smiled.

-------

I didn't really see Leah more than was absolutely necessary. Really, I tried to spend a lot of my time with Nessie. I felt like the older she got, the more distant she and I became... the more different. It was off-putting to say the least. I saw Forrest as he grew quickly. Seth was confident that he was a future werewolf.

"He's already taller than most kids his age. That's a sign and he has sharp senses. He'll make a great hunter one day, just wait." Seth had once said while he explained Forrest to me a little.

"So, how long before he's in school?" I asked absently while we sat at Leah's barstool counter, gaping bowls of soup in front of us. One thing I loved about Leah being a wolf was that she understood that human proportions didn't work well with us. She was good about serving enough of something when she decided on the off chance to serve anything to Seth and I at all.

"Jake, he's a second grader. He's been in school for like three years. Where have you been?" I gulped down more of the tomato soup for a moment.

"Guess I just didn't really pay much attention." I shrugged. something was up with the normally easy-going Seth Clearwater. He shoved away from the counter violently and turned to glare at me.

"Really, Jake, for an alpha, your falling through. One, Leah's your Beta, but you don't even pay attention to what she does at all. You act like it's just a struggle to know that she lives around you on a day to day basis, let alone serve as your Beta. Two, Forrest is really a fascinating kid. Damn near fucking magical! and you don't even know how old he is. It's rediculous! You either need to just get over Nessie and move on with life here on the reserve, or go and become a Cullen because this mix and match shit has got to go! I mean, really, what connection with either Leah or Forrest do you have to salvage on when I leave for the fall semester? You need to build yourself something solid here before the summer is over, or kiss your pack good bye. 'Cause I can't hold out for this pack in Alaska, and God knows you can't do it on your own!"

"Seth, quit chewing him out. Let him brood in his own self-induced misery. It kills time and I need to help Forrest with his homework before the fighting ensues." Leah commented, walking into the house with Forrest at her side pulling off his jacket.


	4. Something Shatters

A.N.: Just a quick note. Sorry to all of you who were waiting for the third chapter. I've been working on my novel, and I sort of dropped FF for a while, but I'm back. Thank you to all of the reviews I got. By Christ, I got one just after four minutes of posting the third chapter. I hope to keep up the response level. Thank you.

River Nile

Four

I woke with a start in sheer darkness, cracking my skull against something solid as I shot up. There was a muted, _whump! _and the tinkling of something small and fragile shattering. I rubbed my sore head, attempting to adjust my eyes to the darkness through all the stars in my vision. After a moment, there was no need. The hall light upstairs flicked on and a tall shadow descended. In the minimal light I recognized that I was on the floor next to what appeared to be a day couch and what I was pretty confident was a living table. The light above me warmed to life from a faint glow to a warm luminescence. Leah stood by the light control panel, her arms crossed over her chest. She was glaring at me, but it didn't look like her heart was in it, and I think that's what unsettled me more. I got up gingerly, avoiding the table that I'd struck before.

"You broke my Guardian Angel." Leah mumbled with disinterest. I looked up and saw the small glass angel figurine on the table had fallen forward, and the top half had shattered.

It was just a small Renaissance style angel with glass curls and crystal feathered wings. I recognized it because of it's twin which belonged to me. Seth had bought every member of the pack a 'Guardian Angel' for Christmas the year before to show that the angels were on our side. I think it just came from Sue's attempt at raising her kids Catholic. Most people on the Reservation were Catholic now, turn of the Century converts, but the pack wasn't so sure to follow.

"Sorry. I'll give you mine." I grumbled, getting to my feet. A large blue, black, and white afghan fell from around me as I did so. Leah's choppy hair was disheveled and pieces stuck around her face and neck. She had on army green pajama pants and a white tank, and her feet were bare on the cream colored rug.

"Are you okay?" I asked, noticing that she looked exhausted, but clearly not like she'd been awoken from sleep. She tousled her black hair nervously and let her arm fall with a sigh.

"I've been better. And your head?" She responded, throwing the subject.

"Fine. You look tired. You sure you're alright?"

"Fine. Drop it!" She walked through the living room to the kitchen and I followed.

"Lee, I know you. I know something's up." I said, trying to understand. Really, I just wanted to figure out what had happened the night before. I knew that we'd ended up arguing again, just like any time Seth tried to put the two of us in a room together. It was over something I couldn't even recall now, and somehow I had gone from that, to cracking my skull on Leah's Living table at some ungodly hour of the morn.

Leah made a glass of water, rolling her eyes and laughing humorlessly. She took a few gulps, then smiled ruefully at the half empty glass. Half empty... My life sure did like to throw deep metaphors at me.

"What does it matter to you, Jacob?" she asked in a low voice.

"I'm alpha, and you're Beta. Therefore, I need to know what's troubling you." She chuckled again.

"Don't you ever get tired of using that excuse? At least Sam knew how to stay out of our lives when we didn't want him there." She scoffed.

"Did you ever consider that I might actually care?" As the last word formed a question on my lips, there was a shatter two inches from my right ear, and water went everywhere.

"Don't make me laugh. You haven't _cared _about anyone in this pack for years now. You haven't _cared_ about this aspect of your life in years. You don't even know what's going on now a days. You're so lost in yourself or your precious _Imprint_," she spat the word like acid on her tongue, "that you've forgotten what you are!" My blood was boiling now.

"I know exactly who I am. I am Jacob Black, Alpha, descendant of Ephriam Black, and Leader of our pack!" I snapped back. She threw another glass so fast, I almost didn't see it, and it glanced off my fingers, shattering just over my shoulder.

"I didn't say _who_, Jackass, I said _what_. Above all the names and titles, you don't know what you are, Jacob! we know what we are, the rest of your pack. We are, above names and formalities, Quileute. We are a pack, and equal to one another. We do what we must to go on without your constant leadership, and our lives go on without you. You know, Sam and I have been leading the pack for a while now. I can tell from your face that you didn't know," and I truly didn't, "I bet you didn't even know that Em has a son, let alone what his name is."

"So I'm being told by the woman with the bastard son, that I'm not living my life the right way, and _I_ don't know who _I_ am?!" She laughed again, a hint of hysteria in her voice now.

"Please! The bastard son ship sailed a long time ago Jake. Cut it out. I can show you what's wrong with you, but you... You can't even acknowledge what could possibly be wrong with me. Move on, or move out! The Rez, no, the _pack_ doesn't need you anymore. You're a lia-_fucking_-bility to us now. Come back, or stay gone, for good." She moved to walk passed me into the living room again when I remembered.

"Brandon." I whispered. She stopped, her back to me, and looked over her shoulder so slightly.

"What?" she asked, the light from upstairs casting a mournful shadow on her face.

"Em and Sam's son's name is Brandon. And you're having nightmares, aren't you?" I said, my voice so low, I barely heard myself. She heard me. Somehow, she always heard me, good or bad. I saw her face fall a little in the minimal light.

"I am. Constantly." She replied, and I could finally hear a hint of the misery she fought so hard to hide.

"Why am I here now?" I asked. She turned to face me, her hands gripping her bare arms as though she were cold, though I knew she never would be.

"You fell asleep on the couch. Before he left, Seth said that as frustrated as he was with you, he saw how exhausted you've been and thought it might be better not to disturb you. So, I left you there."

"And the afghan?" the corner of her mouth quirked up a little.

"Billy had Seth bring it by. He said he thought you could use a little piece of your mother right now." I pulled the afghan up quickly and looked at it thoroughly. It was truly Native American in it's style with the diamond patterns and the tied yarn tassels that hung at each end. The blanket was old and worn, but I remembered the way it smelled all my life. Since the day she died. It was my mother's afghan, all blue and light. I felt my fists clench around it, feeling that all to familiar ache for her presence that had lain dormant for so long. Funny how long it took for people to love again after so long without, but how easy it was to recall the searing pain of neglect.

It was without my notice that Leah was in front of me, her hands on the blanket, my mother's blanket. I growled before I knew why.

"Jacob, stop. You're going to tear it. Let go!" She tried to pull it away, and for an instant, I forgot about the blanket. Something about kissing her was easing that lapse of pain I'd felt, so sharp as to cleave me in two. And she shoved me away, throwing my shoulders back with all her might. Might that I'd forgotten she'd had so much of. I stumbled and caught my balance again. She looked at me, shock, anger, and some distraught emotions played in her face, and that stung just as bad.

She folded the afghan swiftly in silence, and then looked up at me again from a few feet away. Her face looked empty, and I wondered if it stung as much for her as well. She placed the folded rectangle in my arms and looked me dead in the face.

"Go home, Jacob. Wherever 'home' is now." She dimmed the main lights to nothing but darkness again as she moved to take the stairs again. After watching her ascend in silence, and flick off the hall light, I slipped out of the house. As soon as the door was closed, I was running. My bare human feet pounding the pavement and coming open was a relief, a distraction.

I sat on the cliff, my mother's afghan and lingering scent drawn around me as the sun rose behind me. The early heat felt good, and I knew that it would vanish into the clouds all to soon. The water was calm that morning, and I envied it's simple rhythm. Heave and pull, rise and fall. It was a lie, but a glamorously simple one at that. Just keep breathing, Jacob. As long as you live, all is well in the end. Violent turmoil would always settle in the end. I got to my feet eventually and glared at the water.

"Fucking Hate the ocean." I grumbled, beginning my descent home.

A.N. If you don't know, the blanket's called an Afghan, pronounced, afgan. The H is silent. enjoy!


	5. A Father's Love

**Five**

**In August, we all sent Seth off to Dartmouth. It turned out that he was a lot smarter than we all gave him credit for, and he managed to get a sick scholarship. It wasn't a full ride, but Alice was quick to jump on paying the rest of his way before he could even announce that he'd gotten the scholarship. So, now we all stood out in the front yard of Sue's house, hugging Seth and wishing him good luck. I knew that I'd be going with him to the Cullen's afterwards, so I hung back, planning to say good bye then. **

**"C'mon, Forrest!" Seth said, kneeling down and throwing his arms out. The boy ran to him and threw his small arms around Seth's neck, his heavy gold curls shinning in the sun of the rare sunny day. He hugged the kid tightly, and then got to his feet again and turned to me, his full smile falling a bit. **

**"You Coming, Jake?" He called to me. I nodded once and thudded down the three steps of Sue's front porch to climb into the car next to Seth. I saw Sue start crying as we pulled out of the drive. **

**"Your mom seems really upset." I commented, though I don't think my heart was really in it. Seth scoffed.**

**"Nah, she just thinks that someone's going to corrupt her 'baby boy' before she sees me again. I mean, I AM coming home for Christmas. That's only five months! How bad could I get in five months?!" I laughed then.**

**"Do you really want me to answer that?" I asked. He laughed then too.**

**"Not at all. Chances are, if you told me, it'd be more likely to happen. We'll stick with the good Seth... At least for the first semester." We both laughed as we pulled into the Cullen's drive. I was surprised at how fast we'd gotten there.**

**"Speeding much, Seth?" He only smiled, tossed his keys into the air, and snatched them back in one quick movement. Alice ran out of the house and straight into Seth, hugging him and squealing with excitement. Then she drew away and held his shoulders at arms length. **

**"I know you've probably heard this a thousand times already this morning, but I am So proud of you! You are going to have so much fun at Dartmouth." She led him back into the house, telling him about all of the things he was bound to see at Dartmouth. I trailed behind as Ness walked out to me. She had a small smile on her face, and didn't say anything when she hugged me. She was pretty much full grown now, though it was really strange to think of it like that. Her hair still hung all the way down her back in coppery ringlets, and she was taller. Her body had filled out to that of a woman, but her voice was still a soft soprano. I closed the door behind me, and saw a cake on a table with everyone around it. Seth was talking animatedly with the Cullens, but Edward was watching me with curiosity. **

**After the cake was cut, consumed by only Seth and I, we all said good bye and good luck to Seth. I was the last one to hug him. **

**"I know you'll be in Alaska, but remember that you are still a part of this pack, still Quileute. Don't forget us here." I said, and let go of him. He laughed light heartedly at me. **

**"I won't forget who I am, Jake. You shouldn't either. And I don't think I could forget my life here if I tried. Bye guys! See you all at Christmas." He waved and climbed into his car. **

**---------------------------------**

**SEPTEMBER**

**OCTOBER**

**NOVEMBER**

Time seemed to slip by without my notice. I led the pack again, as Seth had wanted, but my heart wasn't in it. I visited the Cullens quite a bit, but that didn't make me happy either. I felt like I really needed to find what I wanted, but there was just one problem. I couldn't imagine what I could be missing so much. It was like I was just coasting through life on auto pilot. It was the middle of November when the auto pilot Jacob stopped. November 14, to be accurate.

I got up that morning, feeling every much the same. Billy greeted me when I walked out of my room. There was something about him. He looked like he'd had a rough night.

"Morning, Dad. You okay?" I responded emotionlessly.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit tired. I had trouble sleeping last night. I'll get some rest later and I'll be right as rain to go fishing tomorrow with Charlie."

"Sure, sure. I'm going to see Ness and Bella. See you later." I said, pulling my coat on.

"Sure. See you tonight."

"If I make it back before you go to bed."

"Yeah. I love you, son."

"Sure, sure. You too, Dad." I closed the door behind me and walked out to the rabbit.

I'd been to the Cullen's house enough that I no longer really needed to knock. I opened the door to walk in, and instantaneously wished I hadn't. She pulled away from him in shock, but there was no pretending it hadn't happened. Her legs had been thrown across his lap, her arms around his neck and fingers in his black hair. I didn't even bother to close the door. I just turned and walked away.

"Jacob! Jake, wait!" She demanded in her trilling voice, "Jacob, Stop!" She demanded across the distance between us. I'd already moved out into the woods without even noticing. I turned to look at her, copper curls flecked with the first snow fall of the season. I could see the white flecks in my lashes, and all around her. Her face was a look of desperation as she looked at me.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry. Trust me, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. You never should have seen that, and I'm so sorry that you did."

"What's wrong with me?" I asked, but there was little inflection in it. Now that the shock had worn off, it really didn't hurt like I thought it would've.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Jacob. I still love you, just... not in that way. I've known you all my life, but as much as I tried, it's never been like that. We're just too different, and I keep feeling like I was taking you away from your pack and your life. You haven't been yourself in almost eight years, Jake! I don't know exactly what happened to you, or why, but I can't help thinking it's my fault. I don't want to be the girl to destroy you, Jacob, and I'm not going to be my mother and lie to you. I'm sorry." she wiped the tears from her eyes and turned away from me. As she walked away, I felt something snap within me. Not like my sanity snapping, but truly snapping. It was like piano wires or guitar strings. I took a deep breath and ran in the opposite direction to my cliffs. It felt like the first time I'd run as a wolf again. It felt like I hadn't been breathing in almost eight years. I was even laughing as I ran past my house, then it stopped as abruptly as I did upon noticing the figure sitting on the porch railing out front.

"Finally!" she said, "everyone's been trying to call you for like an hour! Get in the car." Leah leapt down noiselessly and walked to the driver's side of her car. I climbed in, feeling very confused, but a lot lighter than I had in years. She closed the door and shook the snowflakes from her choppy black hair and started the engine. As she backed out, I turned to her.

"So, where exactly are we going?" I asked. She sighed and hit the gas, raking her fingers through her hair. I hadn't noticed how endearing that simple habit was before. She looked at me, and the expression on her face made my heart sink.

"Jacob, where's your cell?"

"In the... Rabbit." I answered, remembering that I had left the car at the Cullen's house. She laughed humorlessly.

"Great."

"Lee, what's going on? What happened? Is the Cub okay?" Suddenly I was afraid for the golden haired seven year old whom I'd just noticed wasn't with us.

"He's fine. Jacob, Billy had a stroke."

A.N. IMPORTANT!!!!!! I honestly think that you all need to go read the first scene in November again now, because I knew how this chapter ended, and I almost cried writing that scene. I know it's a cliffhanger, but I'm getting right on with the next chapter asap, so, review to your heart's content. One more thing. If people are going to add this story to faves, please tell me why you liked it. Feedback is a life force, I swear!


	6. And We Shall Survive

**A.N. I don't know if anyone else caught this, but if they did, they decided not to tell me. While reading the novels, I got the idea that Dartmouth was in Alaska. I was wrong. It's in New Hampshire. So, I'm going to change that in Chapter five, so if you see that later and want to know why he isn't in Alaska anymore... I will kindly direct you here. **

**River**

**Six**

Our ride to the hospital was silent for a time. I didn't want to speak for fear that if any conversation went on with just Leah and I, I wouldn't be able to keep my cool. After a while, though, I had to ask my questions.

"How did anyone find out?" Leah never took her eyes off the road for reasons I couldn't identify at the time, but now seem blatantly obvious.

"He was on the phone..." Leah said, and then faded out as though she didn't want to tell me more. Then she picked up hurriedly. "He was on the phone with Charlie when it happened and he and mom went over to take him to the hospital. That's all I know." Her knuckles were white on the steering wheel. She took a deep breath and let it out, loosening her hands on the wheel. I silently thanked God that he'd been on the phone with Charlie. I wouldn't even let my mind wander to what would have happened if he weren't.

"Is he okay though? Will he come out of it?" I was afraid to ask, but once that was done, I realized I was really more afraid of the answer.

"They said that he would be stable enough when I left. That's why I came to get you."

"Is Rachel there?" I asked.

"She wasn't when I was there. Paul didn't want her getting all worked up over nothing because of the baby and all, but if things do start looking worse, he'll come and get her." She answered. So, things weren't looking bad enough to haul everyone to the hospital, especially Rachel who was seven months pregnant. Paul was insanely protective, but that was to be expected. And with the kid being my nephew, I was glad he was protective.

Leah didn't say a word as we parked at the hospital and walked through the rain to the front door. She nodded to the nurse at the front desk who nodded back without a word between them. The only change in Leah's face was when she scrunched her nose before rounding the corner to see Carlisle in his white lab coat speaking to a group of doctors. As we passed, he patted my shoulder lightly and gave me a complex look. That made my heart sink a little. What made it even worse was who hit me in sobbing fits as soon as the elevator doors opened.

"Rachel? I thought you'd stayed home?" I looked at Paul who shrugged and crossed the hall to pull her back. As I walked down the hall to my dad's room, Paul pulled Leah aside and whispered to her. I heard her sigh and smelled the stir of pine and cedar in the air as she ran her fingers through her hair in distress. I passed through the threshold to my father's room. He lay asleep on the bed, attached to machines I couldn't name, let alone identify the roles of. In two strides I'd crossed the room to his bed-side, tears beginning to shed from my eyes at the sight of his frailty. His eyes opened, and I felt my soul shatter as I realized that the only thing left behind them was his immediate thoughts, and everything else had already passed. It finally hit me that he was dying. First my mom, now dad. He grabbed my arm feebly and shuddered in a ragged breath. He smiled a little at me, as much as he could, and their was relief written all over his face.

"I knew Charlie and Bella had to be wrong. I told them that you were stronger than that. You are Quileute, and you will survive anything. Promise me that you will fight to survive through all odds, Jacob. Promise me my son will never give up." I had no idea what he was talking about, but I nodded, unable to get words out. He looked pointedly at me.

"I promise. I'll survive anything, and lead the pack the same way. I promise." I choked out my promise through a thicket of emotions, and I felt my body going through tremors as I fought to hold them back.

"I love you son." he sighed, the breath going longer than any natural breath, and I knew he was gone. It was as though everyone in the hall could feel his presence leave, and they all came and stood around the door. Rachel came to comfort me, assuming that I would be her shoulder to cry on and suffer with her. And though I would at a later date, I had no intention of mourning at the moment. I passed Rachel and went straight to Leah who was on the phone in the hall, pacing in her distraught manner. It sounded like she was on the phone with Charlie. I took the phone and closed it, slipping the new Pantech Matrix into her coat pocket. She looked pointedly at me, but behind it, she looked like she understood more than even I did, which was exactly why I had come to talk to her.

"Come here," I mumbled, and grabbed her arm, dragging her around the corner. She leaned against the wall as I did, our heads close together.

"What were my dad and Charlie talking about when this happened? Tell me the truth."

"I guess Ness had given Bella some reason to think you were going to kill yourself. She called Charlie, and whatever she said convinced him. He called Billy and conveyed his worry. Billy must've believed it and panicked." Finally my tears of frustration came out. I put my forehead against the wall, my fist clenched to the point of breaking.

"Mommy!" I looked up as Forrest bounded up to Leah who crouched down to catch him in a great hug. Charlie and Sue stood a few feet away, both crying. I felt like my blood was running cold. Billy's death was my fault, and I knew it.

A/N: sorry for the late update, there is ever so much to do. I'm off today though, so I'm going to try and get the next chapter up today or tomorrow. I can guarentee that those of you reading and waiting for the Blackwater, it's coming in the next chapter... somewhat.... can't say all here, but keep up. You'll want to after the next chapter. The real plot line is going to START to pick up here. It's slow starting, but you'll love it... or hate it... either way, you will be captivated.


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